I'm bursting to start life. Rushing, maybe. I feel that I haven't lived, neither will I live til I've struck out on my own. The beautiful thing is, I won't be "on my own" other than the fact that I'm out of my parents' house. Because these days, there is no alone when it comes to being me.
We have plans. Plans that no one else in the whole wide world is privy to.
"Summer is going to be like a Manchester Orchestra song. Glowing and upbeat."
Everything else is complicated. Troublesome in my mind. I get so frustrated at times at the things that refuse to work out the way I want them to. Nothing moves at my speed, in my class,.. in my world, even. I'm a dreamer and always will be. I can't help that. But I need to learn patience. I realize that before I can leave anything behind, I have to be prepared for the worst, and there are things that I must do before I jump the gun.
Oh, but I feel I could leave right now. Fill a paper bag with underwear and vintage jewelry and books. Live in a car for a year, wandering the states. Meeting new people in new places, taking photographs with them and forgetting their names. Sleeping under the stars in a shared sleeping bag. And of course, falling deeper and deeper in love with the guy of my dreams. Sounds like something you'd see on the Sundance channel? Probably. But it's something active in my mind. I want to live.
I will make the leap. It'll all be worth it, I'll make sure of that.
It's just not going to happen as soon as I'd like.
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