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I don't know how I'll find my way. I've been so lost in thought.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

rant.

I've come to realize that it's possible to love too much.

I'm preparing myself. What else can I do? I can't be caught off guard. Which is ironic, because I've never allowed my guard to be down for anyone before. I finally do, and well, I reflect on the consequences of that. Yet so easily, I let it back down again after all was said and done. This time, if there is a "this time", I'll be ready. And most likely, I won't let it back down again, if there is a "this time"..

I stood in the living room and argued with my father over the sincerity of the things I feel and of the promises I've been given. Telling him, "you don't understand. This is different.", is entirely undoable. He insists that I've been lied to and much more.

I wish I could prove it.

But I can't.

Then I think "maybe we'd be better off."

You make it very clear that you don't need me, when I eagerly admit that you're all I need.

If you don't need me, then what use am I to you anyway?

This only adds to how much I already hate my life.

The one thing that made it bearable, that made everyday something to look forward to, now has a dagger for a tongue, towards me, of all people.

I always find myself hated in these things.

There's something very wrong with me. Something unlovable.

It's been proved far too many times to deny it.

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