Like a little angel.

White feather wings and all.

I think of how I feel when in the company of my grandfather. I hold his arm like a lady would a century ago. He squeezes my hand, proud to have me on his arm. And we walk, talking as though the world is made of good things.

Sun. At the end of the tunnel. I was taken by surprise. I never saw it coming. But now, it's as though it was inevitable. I need nothing in this world but a place to lay my head at night and someone to call my own. I have both and I am grateful.

The future is incomprehensible. So uncertain. But I'm embracing the chaos. My heart flutters in it's cage, ready to fly away and I am happy. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I know what I need and I know what I have. Life is fucking beautiful.

Foundation.

I'm feeling green.
It's stupid, I know. I look at her and I acknowledge how beautiful she is, and I must admit, it burns right through the pit of my stomache. Especially knowing that she stands so close to what I adore.

But tonight, I'm not going to think of that. I'm going to rock the sidewalk that I walk upon, soaking in the energy of the night. Why? Because anything can be covered up.

Like a ditch.

There's only one place in the world I want to be.
Still.
It can't be healthy to fall back on old habits after the time that's elapsed. Yet, I have. And I'm not sorry. It's the only way to be maybe.
I miss the way I felt every morning. Without it, I don't want to get out of bed.

I've realized that I'm not really happy.
Things are, because they have to be. Not because they're beautiful. I know that's wrong, but it's how I feel most days.

I feel trapped and solitary. I feel lonely. Even while surrounded by people who seemingly adore my company, I feel used. Everyone wants something from me but I can't decide what I want from them.

Isolation is not what I want. Sometimes, it's just easier.