The dog days are over.

Not the end.
No bitterness, no demands for reason, no compromising. I just let go. I knew it was coming somehow and instead of lying to myself for consolation, I just asked the question.
The parcel that got lost in the mail could've changed it all, but it didn't. It got lost. It's not exactly reading the innards of a chicken, it's clear.
These things happen. I know that by now.
My 17th year was a beginning. I  felt things I never have before. And now I've let go of them.
I've kept my promises and I don't regret anything. Still, it hurts.
I hate that I'm a female. Too easy to cry.
I think everyone in the library must know what's happened. Like they can read my face before I can run to the restroom to have a proper panic attack. 
It's not the end of the world. More like the end of an era. One that will take some getting over.

"Leave all of your love and your longing behind, you can't carry it with you if you want to survive. The dog days are over, the dog days are done, can't you hear the horses? 'Cause here they come.. "